The 6 month anniversary of Phoebe's death is just around the corner. Half a year during which I have constantly tried to make some kind of sense of what is an utterly senseless situation. My emotions overwhelm me and the reality of losing Phoebe is painfully sinking in , but I am trying to stay determined in my… Continue reading A Bridge Between 2 Worlds..
February, I have never particularly liked February; such a dour month, sandwiched between January and March, it’s cold and grey; the festive season is but a memory and we shiver and dig in, heads down, making our way through each day waiting for Spring, warmer weather and looking forward to better things. I know it… Continue reading Climbing the Stairs to No Where….
"Two hearts, believing in just one mind, beating together till the end of time....." "Phil Collins" I hear you say, "She's quoting Phil Collins?"........ "It's a jive" I explain, one which the dance school used to use a lot, I've danced to it many times and I'm sure I must have danced to it with Ralph.… Continue reading Two Hearts
On Friday 6th January 2017 I journeyed again to Blackpool. It was, of course, another dancing related trip, but this time not just as a spectator, but to dance myself, to perform and to compete. Back in October we had gone out with friends for afternoon tea on my 45th birthday in the delightful 'Alice In… Continue reading What Goes Up Must Come Down
I hadn't intended to write about New Year, I thought I'd covered it when I wrote about how I felt about and got through Christmas and how I was looking positively towards 2017 with determination and as much positivity as I could muster. I had planned that my next piece would be all about how… Continue reading Happy New Year?
Over the last month, in the run up to Christmas, I have felt a whole range of emotions: emptiness, immense sadness, pain and some hope, but this month in particular I have quite often felt like I am going crazy, that I am somewhat mad. Why? Because I have looked forward to Christmas, crossing my… Continue reading Santa Please Stop Here
"How old is Phoebe, she's 3 isn't she?" I remember the consultant asking, just after we had been moved to HDU that day in September. "No" I replied "She's 4, she'll be 5 in December"...... Five in December, I spoke so easily in the future tense, we do don't we especially when it comes to… Continue reading Happy Birthday Phoebe
On Sunday , 11th December, The Compassionate Friends held their annual Worldwide Candle Lighting. Bereaved parents all over the world lit candles at 7pm in memory of their lost sons & daughters. The charity also organises public ceremonies, one of which I attended at Bolton Parish Church, Lancashire. It was a beautiful, emotional but also comforting experience. Everyone… Continue reading Never Forget
It was Ralph's birthday last weekend. I knew it would be hard. The best bit of birthdays since having Phoebe was her getting in bed in between us in the morning to help us open our cards. Phoebe snuggling in was actually something Ralph enjoyed every morning. Before they got dressed they always shared a Peppa… Continue reading The Hollow Man & The Angry Woman
Last week was a very difficult week, for me, perhaps the most difficult since we lost Phoebe. I have been overwhelmed by my emotions. They have quite literally paralyzed me, every little task has felt enormous and it has taken some time to even try to make sense of my feelings and thoughts let alone feel up… Continue reading Heroes and Villains